Impossible to Erase
by cowgirlep4ec
Summary: When shattered how do you put your life back together? Bella's sanity is as fragile as the sharpened tip of a pencil when she awakens in hospital to find Edward is gone. Some of her memories are sketchy, but her vision of Edward is impossible to erase.
1. Prelude

**Ok so before you start reading there a few things you should know:**

**Firstly, there may be a lot of similarities to Twilight; however some key points of the story are different! So pay attention!**

**Second, I have never had my heart broken (or my heart won for that matter) so I can only go off what I imagine it would be like to be suddenly alone. **

**Third, the beginning of the story is really dull, but I hope that it becomes more exciting by Chapter Two.**

**Fourth, I own nothing, except an overactive imagination.**

**Finally, I couldn't do anything without my Grand Vizier, Karry! She makes me look smart and talented with her stellar skills! (If you haven't read her story search the author karry4harry).**

**So I think that's it and I hope you enjoy the story.**

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Preface

People say that a picture paints a thousand words. I have always believed that, although a photograph might paint a thousand words, a drawing can portray much, much more.

Drawings tell more about the person who created it than what is conveyed in the picture. Drawings are like windows into an artist's inner soul. They tell of the artist's love, hopes and emotions. The artist willingly shares their life to the observer through the etchings and shadings of shapes on a delicate piece of paper. But what happens when the artist's life no longer exists? What happens when their love, their hopes, their emotions are simply gone? What happens when the delicate piece of paper that is their life is scrunched up, crumbled and torn to shreds? What place is left for them to work their art?

It is funny, sometimes, how your life can come full circle. Like, no matter what paths you take, no matter what decisions you make, you will always find yourself in exactly the same place. Sure, I might have learnt some things along the way, but none of those things could help me now. My fate had been sealed from the very beginning.

Fate.

Fate is unavoidable.

No one ever really knows their own fate until after they have fulfilled it. I had thought that my fate was intrinsically tied to another's.

I was wrong.

I had never been more wrong in my entire life.

So now all I can do is forget - forget everything that I know.

All I can do is forget the life I had held for a brief moment in my mind - forget his touch, his smell, his face, his voice.

…_Forget the reason why your chest is hollow..._

Forgetting would be so much simpler if the pain would stop tearing me to shreds and if one line on a piece of paper didn't have the power to shatter me… A line that is impossible to erase.


	2. Waking Up

**Hi again!**

**So this is Chapter One: Waking Up.**

**Remember: I own nothing!**

**Karry is my hero, she makes me look good with her incredible editing skills.**

**Inspiration for this story comes from songs including:**

**Best I Ever Had- Vertical Horizon**

**Need- Hana Pestle**

**For the First Time- The Script**

**Angels- Within Temptation**

**Song to Say Goodbye- Placebo **

**Ok, so I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

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Waking Up

My eyes opened to a bright, white light. I was in an unfamiliar room - a white room. The wall beside me was covered in long vertical blinds and, over my head, the glaring lights blinded me. I was propped up on a hard, uneven bed - a bed with rails. The pillows were flat and lumpy. There was an annoying beeping sound somewhere close by. I hoped that meant that I was still alive. Death shouldn't be this uncomfortable. My hands were all twisted up with clear tubes and something was taped across my face, under my nose. I lifted my hand to rip it off. Unfortunately, the tubes got in the way and, after a moment of trying to free my hand, I gave up. I tried hard not to look at where the tubes led.

I look down at myself, noticing the huge lump that was my leg and the bandage encasing my right hand. My skin felt ultra-sensitive, like a sudden movement would tear me apart.

I could hear my mother in the hallway outside. She was talking to someone, maybe a nurse, and she sounded tired and upset. I wanted to jump out of bed and run to her, to calm her, and promise that everything was fine, but I wasn't in any sort of shape for jumping. I was left to wait impatiently. I didn't have to wait long, though, as the door opened partly to reveal Renee peeking through.

"Hi, Mom. I'm so glad to see you!" My voice was full of love and relief, even though my dry throat could barely manage a whisper. I tried to sit up, but the spinning in my head accelerated and I decided it wasn't worth the pain.

Mom bent down to hug me gently and I felt warm tears falling down my cheeks.

"Bella, I was so upset!" my mother whispered close to my ear.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but everything's fine 's ok," I comforted her, not truly knowing if everything was, indeed, ok.

"I'm just happy to finally see your eyes open," she sat on the edge of the bed.

I suddenly realised I didn't have any idea when _it_ was. "How long have they been closed? How long have I been out of it?" I queried, insistently.

"It's Friday,honey. You've been asleep for a while," Mom said in a soothing tone.

"Friday?"I was shocked. I tried to remember what day it had been when... but I didn't want to think about that. I was prevented from thinking about that by my Mom's soothing touch as she gently ran her hand through my hair.

"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey. You have a lot of injuries."

_I know, I can feel them!_

"What's the damage?" Renee seemed hesitant to respond, but my determined look must have told her that she couldn't hide the extent of my injuries from me for long.

Sighing, my mother began to list, methodically, everyone one of my injuries as if they were burnt into her memory.

"You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, and cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your body, and you lost a lot of blood."

Mom looked at me expectantly."Do remember anything about what happened?"

_Yeah, sure, a sadistic vampire tried to kill me right around the corner from our home, but don't worry. My vampire boyfriend and his family saved me before I died._

"Umm... not really"I quickly said, albeit with trepidation. My Mom's eyes remained fixed on my own.

_Does she know that I'm lying? I can't lie to save my life._

"Well, I suppose no one really expects you to. After all, you must have hit your head really hard when you fell," Mom said, smiling, as she stroked my cheek. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I fell?" I didn't know what my mother knew and I didn't want to blow the cover story, but I was more curious than worried at the moment.

"You fell down a flight of stairs, honey, then through a window, at a hotel near the airport. I was curious why you were staying in a hotel in the first place, but then I saw your note."

"Note? What note?" I was really confused and wished that someone would fill me in on the lies.

"You really don't remember any of this, do you?" My mother looked concerned as she returned to stroking my hair.

I shook my head, not having to fake the look of confusion on my face.

Renee pulled a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of her shorts, handing it to me gently.

**_Mom,_**

**_Staying in the Motel 6 near the airport. There's been a string of home invasions here and I didn't want to be here alone._**

**_Bella._**

My brow furrowed as I finished reading, causing pain to shoot through my skull, as I tried to think. It was my handwriting,but I hadn't written this note.

_The Cullens are obviously skilled at forgery; I suppose when you are continually starting over certain skills come in handy._

I looked up and caught my mum looking at the clock on the wall.

"Waiting for something?" I inquired.

"I'm sorry, honey. Phil was going to call. Oh, Bella, you'll never guess what happened!" Renee's eyes brightened.

"Phil got signed?"

"Yes! How did you know? The Suns - isn't that fantastic? Florida! I got a bit worried when he started talking about Akron… you know how I hate the cold. But Florida! And we've found the cutest house! You're going to love it!It's right near the beach and you'll have your own bathroom and I'm going to trade off on the away games - half the time with you, half the time with Phil..."

I cut off my mother before she could continue, "Wait mum. Stop! I live in Forks!" I spoke with firm resolve.

"But, honey, you don't need to anymore… And you hate Forks. You got hurt because you were in Phoenix to escape Forks." Renee's face was puzzled and I could understand why. It seemed that my lies, though said to protect others, were finally catching up to me.

"Well, I've realised that I miss Forks. I think it's become my home." I continued when my mum gave me a sceptical look, "I've made friends and Charlie really needs me and the cold and rain isn't so bad once you get used to it." Renee raised an eyebrow and held my eyes, almost as if she was considering how hard I had actually hit my head. Eventually, she dropped her gaze and relented.

"Well, we don't need to discuss it right now. You should focus on healing. We can discuss living arrangements later... Speaking of living arrangements, I've been sleeping here." Renee said proudly.

_If only she knew that her declaration had slightly added to my pain._

"Oh, mum you don't need to do that."

"Well, um, there has been crime in the area, as you said in your note, and the other day someone went so far as to burn down the old ballet studio. Remember when you used to dance there? The police even found a stolen car out the front." Renee shook her head, seemingly in disbelief and then took another glance at the clock.

"Go talk to Phil, Mom. I'll be fine."She had probably spent all her time worrying about me and hadn't had chance to speak with Phil in a while and, after recent events, I knew what it felt like to be separated from the one you loved - even if for a brief period of time.

_I wonder where he is…_

My ponderings where interrupted by my mother's guilt ridden voice.

"Are you sure, honey?"

"Absolutely, but can you do a favour for me first. Is Charlie here?" Renee stood up and collected her hand bag.

"Yes, he's been so worried sweetie."

…_Of course he has._

"Can you tell him I want to talk to him? It's important." I needed to make up for the horrible way we had parted.

"Ok sweetie, but make sure you get some rest. You need to heal." I smiled at Renee's maternal tone and watched as she exited the small room, leaving me free to think of the events that had help land me in this hospital.

Apparently the Cullens had been very busy. I could remember smelling smoke after Edward found me in the dance studio. They must have burnt the place down to remove any evidence that any of us had been there. I bet Edward also stole the car, to help with appearances, or to get to me faster. My Mom was right that the details of that day were a little hazy and there were a lot of disjointed flashes that were associated with pain, which were quickly pushed behind a door in my mind labelled "enter at your own risk". However, one thing that stood out the most was not the terror or the pain, but the light, the angel in the darkness.

"_Bella, please don't die. Can you hear me? I love you."_

_I tried to say it back, but I couldn't feel my lips._

"_I'm so sorry Bella! I promise you that I will never hurt you again." He sounded so sad and I knew he would be crying if such a thing was possible for him._

"_Not your fault!" I tried to say through the darkness._

"_Please be alright. I don't know what I'd do without you!"_

"_Me neither!" I screamed into the abyss, but he didn't hear me. I tried to push through the darkness and felt pain crash on top of me and I wanted to go back into the darkness where I couldn't feel my broken body, but I needed to let him know that everything was alright. The angel shouldn't be so sad._

"_Edward?" I had found my lips and, although I tried to sound strong, his name came out as barely a whisper._

"_It's ok, Bella. I'm here!" he said and I felt his cold hands on my cheeks._

"_Don't leave me!" I said in a whisper._

"_As long as you don't leave me," he said in reply._

"_Never," I sighed, as I began to fall back into the abyss, but, before the darkness closed over my head, I felt my hand burning - the pain getting stronger._

"_My hand hurts," I breathed, feebly._

"_I know. Carlisle will stop the pain," Edward soothed me, running his cool hand over my cheek._

"_My hand is burning!" I screamed and this time I managed to open my eyes._

_The first thing I saw was a pair of topaz eyes looking at me with concern and fright._

"_She's been bitten," a methodical voice informed me. I was in too much pain to turn in the direction of the voice._

_Edward's face was stricken and aggrieved. "What can we do?"_

_A high soprano voice chimed in, sounding strained but confident._

"_Edward, I've seen her like us. The venom will spread." _

"_No, there has to be another option!" Edward yelled to someone out of my line of sight._

"_Maybe you could suck the venom out - like snake's venom," the methodical voice suggested._

"_What if I can't stop?" Edward whispered._

"_It's your decision Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get her head to stop bleeding if you're going to be taking blood from her hand," the methodical voice instructed._

_Throughout this conversation, I tried not to scream in agony, but the heat was crawling up my arm and I felt like it should have been to a burnt crisp by now. Finally, I couldn't hold it in any longer and my screams ripped through the air. Then I saw Edward's jaw strain as his eyes lit up with a blazing determination. I felt before I saw his cold fingers locking my hand in place. His lips encircled a cut in my palm and, after a moment, the fire was sluggishly moving back down my arm, focusing on a smaller and smaller area, until finally my arm and hand felt cold and numb._

_I began to drift towards the abyss, yet again, but I fought against it as there was something more I needed to say._

"_Edward."_

"_He's right here, Bella," the methodical voice informed me. I took a deep breath._

"_Edward, I love you."_

_Then I heard the most wonderful sound in the world - Edward's laughter._

"_I love you, too, Bella," he told me and I felt a soft pressure on my cheek that I could only guess was a kiss._

_As I drifted towards the blackness, I welcomed the obstruction of the senses as the pain began to dull, but before going under, I noticed two things; the smell of smoke in the air, and the words of my angel._

"_I promise never to hurt you again."_

"Bella?" a hesitant voice pulled me from my thoughts.

I shifted my head towards the door to see Charlie hovering in the doorway.

"Hi, Dad." I nervously tried to adjust myself in the bed.

"Hey Bells," Charlie said, as he moved towards my position, slowly. "Renee said you were awake."

Guilt swarmed me as met Charlie's chocolate eyes.

"I'm really sorry for running away, Dad."

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, before sitting down in the chair Renee had previously occupied.

"No need to be sorry. If I had paid more attention, I might have realised you were unhappy and we could have talked to your mother about you coming home." Charlie looked at his feet.

"That's the thing, I wasn't unhappy. I honestly was beginning to enjoy my life in Forks." Charlie's head snapped up.

"Could have fooled me! Bells, your mum says that you don't remember much of what happened, but you must remember that you came here to get away from Forks. You got hurt because you hated Forks so much you ran back here to Phoenix." Charlie paused, took a deep breath and whispered, "You got hurt because I was too blind to see that you were miserable living with me."

I could see the hurt on Charlie's face and it was killing me.

"That's not true! I didn't run away because I was miserable, or because I hated Forks, or living with you. I ran away because..."

At that I stopped. What could I say?

_Well, Dad, I actually was really loving living in Forks with you until a sadistic vampire - intent on torturing me - decided to hunt me for sport. And, my boyfriend, who you haven't met and is also a vampire, thought it would be best if I left town._

I would be committed for sure.

"Yes?" Charlie looked at me with guilt and suspicion written all over his face.

"I ran away, because I was scared," I said slowly. _It's not, technically, a lie._

"Scared?Of what?" Charlie said looking confused. Then his features clouded over in anger. "Was somebody hurting you?"

_Shoot!_

I hadn't predicted this turn in the conversation.

"No! I… um… was scared that I was getting too comfortable in Forks. That, if I stayed, I would never leave." Charlie fixed his hard gaze on me.

"You mentioned that when you stormed out on Sunday." Charlie paused and expelled a deep breath."Look, Bells, I just want you to be happy and Forks… well, it didn't work out. You'll be much happier in Florida with your mother."

Charlie squeezed my hand and I was struck by how much we were alike. He was willing to give up his own happiness to let me be happy. I had done the same thing a few months ago when I decided to exile myself to Forks.

I pulled myself up a little higher in the bed, biting my lip as pain shot through me in numerous places.

"Dad, I realised when I arrived back here that this isn't my home anymore. I've really missed Forks and want to come back with you." As I spoke the words, I realised that they rang true. It wasn't only a certain golden-eyed boy that had me wanting to return to Forks. I missed the cool air, the enclosed spaces and the feel of the wet air in my lungs.

Charlie's eyes portrayed his hope, but it was overshadowed with another emotion I couldn't place.

"I don't think that is a good idea. I mean, you don't have to live with me anymore. Your Mom and Phil have bought a place in Florida and I'm sure you'll like it there a lot more," Charlie said in a gruff voice. It was obvious to me that he was trying to hide his sadness.

I was getting tired and my body was starting to ache more fiercely, but I needed to live in Forks and I needed to convince Charlie of this. There was no other way I could be with Edward.

I spoke with a new resolve.

"If you don't let me live with you, I'll just show up as soon as I can, anyway. Besides, I've already settled in at school and my stuff is there and I've made friends in Forks." I tried very hard not to think about a particular person, at that moment – a person I was longing to see. Charlie hadn't moved and I started to doubt my previous assessment of his demeanour.

"Unless I'm too much trouble, unless you don't want me." I knew I sounded like a petulant teenager and I was laying it on a bit too thick but my ribs and head were beginning to throb painfully with trying to sit up straight during the conversation. Charlie leant forward and squeezed my uninjured hand.

"Of course I want you and of course I'd love you to continue living with me. It's just that I don't want you to be unhappy for the convenience of not moving again, or to spare my feelings," Charlie said,sadly.

"Trust me, Dad, my home is in Forks now and I'm not leaving," I said with conviction, hoping that this would bring an end to the conversation. A small smile graced Charlie's face.

"Ok, Bells - whatever you want. You know that I love having you with me. We can talk to Renee about it later, but right now you need to sleep and don't think I can't see you in pain, young lady." At this, Charlie pressed a button on the wall.

"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squawked.

"My daughter is in pain," Charlie responded before letting go of the button.

Almost instantaneously, a nurse scurried into the room, giving Charlie an uneasy look before turning to me. I briefly wondered what Charlie had done to cause such a reaction.

"Here you go, honey." The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into my tube. "You'll feel better now."

As she left I felt the drowsiness begin to trickle through my bloodstream and my eyelids began to droop.

"Get better quick, Bells. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," Charlie said as he left the room.

As I was taken over with sleep I thought of Edward.

_Where is he? Is he waiting for me? How long until I can go back to Forks to be with him again?_

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**I honestly cannot tell you when the next chapter will be posted! (I know it is no excuse, but university kills my life!) If it makes you feel any better I have 800 words of Chapter Two: "Get Better Soon" written so far!**

**Anyway, let me know what you think of the story so far.**


	3. Get Better Soon

**Hello to my small group of readers!**

**Sorry if you've already tried to read this chapter but got lost; apparently the sporadic loss of half a sentence here and there is expected when uploading! (Grrr!)- thanks to Karry and jessicka309 for informing me of this error!**

**OK, so this chapter has been completed for a week now and I hope that you like it!**

**Thanks to my totally stellar Grand Vizier (and sole reviewer)!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except unusual procrastination techniques!**

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Get Better Soon

The next three weeks were hell.

I was confined to my hospital bed in Phoenix for most of the day with only daytime TV and visits from my mum to keep me occupied. Charlie was only able to get a week off work, but promised to pick me up from the airport in Port Angeles when I was eventually released.

I saw Charlie before he saw me. He was standing in front of my truck and I thanked my lucky stars that he did not bring the cruiser. He looked older and more worn than he had the last time I saw him. When he saw me, I noticed an expression pass over his face, but it was gone too quickly for me to read, as he literally tripped over the curb to reach me, after all I inherited my balance problems from him.

"I'm fine dad," I said as he took my small carry-on bag from me. Charlie eyed me carefully as we made our way to the car.

"Sure you are, Bells," he said sceptically as he opened my car door for me.

I let the remark go, knowing that this treatment would keep going until the physical signs of my "accident" had vanished. Unfortunately, for me, this meant another six weeks or so of close attention from Charlie and probably everyone else in Forks.

Driving down the freeway, I tried to pay attention to what Charlie was talking about. I needed to convince him that I wanted to be here.

"So anyway, for the next few weeks, I suppose you're going to have to put up with me and the cruiser to get you to school."

I hadn't thought about that! With a broken leg there was no way I could drive. Slumping my shoulders, I resigned myself to the fact that Charlie would be driving me to school in the cruiser until the cast came off.

_Maybe Edward will drop me off, or another one of the Cullens. I'll have to ask when I see him. _

_It's been so long since I last saw him!_

"Bella, did you hear me?" Charlie asked, cutting through my images of Edward and I being reunited.

"Sorry, Dad. I was thinking about how glad I am to be back," I said quickly. I wasn't lying. I was glad to be back, but my happiness was centred around one person.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. I was saying that everyone has been asking me about you. I've had plenty of well-wishers showing up at the house wondering how you are, when you're coming back and other such questions."

"Really? Like who?" I queried cautiously not wanting to sound too interested in Charlie's answer, although, I really was dying to hear anything about the Cullens.

"Oh well, there was the Stanleys and the Crowleys and the Newtons. Actually, the Newton boy drops by almost every day. Are the two of you together?" Charlie asked interestedly.

I tried not to sound too horrified.

"No Dad. He's kind of dating Jessica Stanley and, besides, I'm not interested in any of the boys in town." I tried not to emphasise the word boy in my response too much.

"That's right, wait until you're in college to start dating." Charlie said, obviously satisfied with my response.

_A father's dream - wanting their daughter to be out of the house before they start dating!_

_Nothing from the Cullens? Surely Charlie would have mentioned the Cullens calling by to see how I was._

As we pulled up in front of the house, I had the feeling that I was home. Everything looked the same and the thought was comforting, there was nothing to hurt me anymore.

As Charlie helped me inside we heard the phone begin to ring in the kitchen and, for a few moments, Charlie left me to answer it. I made myself comfortable on a chair in the kitchen as Charlie talked quickly with the person on the phone. I saw the get well cards spread out on the table, but I honestly had no interest in any except the one that I knew wasn't there.

Charlie sighed as he hung up the phone.

"Bells, will you be alright here for an hour or two? There's been an accident on one of the back streets that they need me to oversee."

_No, that's great! That means that I can see my vampire boyfriend who saved my life and who I haven't seen for three weeks while you're gone._

"That's fine, Dad. I'll probably just rest on the couch for the afternoon." I tried not to sound too enthusiastic about the prospect of being left alone.

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked, looking at me then, feeling assured, he nodded his head in my direction and moved to rub the back of his neck.

"Ok… But I'll provide dinner tonight. I don't think you're up to cooking at the moment."

I watched Charlie get ready and head out the door. I listened as the cruiser rolled out of the driveway and headed down the street, before beginning to head towards the stairs.

Sitting on my bed, I placed my crutches to the side and saw myself in the mirror for the first time in the last three weeks. My leg was bulky in the plaster and I would be glad to graduate to a walking cast soon. Looking at my face in the dim light of my room, I could see that I looked gaunter than I did before and, if at all possible, more pale. I could still see some of the bruises on my arms and a barely visible bruise was standing out along my cheekbone. I looked like the survivor of a major catastrophe and, on some level, I was, but now was a time to look foward into the future, particularly since Edward and I could now be together a lot more.

I tried to manoeuvre myself so that I could open my window without moving from the bed. After five minutes of attempting it, I finally managed to get the window open to about halfway before falling onto my back on the bed.

_Now Edward will know that I'm back!_

Something was digging into my back and it was annoying me. It felt like something flat and hard. Pulling out the object, I found it to be my sketchbook.

_That's strange. I took this with me when I left that night. Alice used it to draw the ballet studio after one of her visions. The Cullens must have brought it back here while I was in Phoenix._

Opening the sketchbook, I flipped through the pages, past landscape sketches and still-life, until I reached blank pages. Flipping back more slowly,the first picture I came to wasn't any that Alice drew, but one of my own. It was my picture of Edward. Looking at the picture in my sketchbook made me smile in remembrance of that day in the meadow.

_I traced my fingers over his hand as I watched the light reflect off his skin causing a sparkling effect._

"_So, I guess going out on a sunny day isn't a possibility for you." I inquired, cautiously._

_He shifted slightly, removing his hand from my reach._

"_Unless I want to light up like a Christmas light for everyone to see, it's better to stay out of sight during the day."_

"_But it only happens when the sun comes out?" I wanted clarification. _

_He nodded, looking at his hands in his lap._

_I leaned forward to grab his hand, it was cold and hard, but it seemed strangely soft as well. He didn't pull his hand away this time._

"_Then I guess it's good you live somewhere where it rains almost everyday," I said with a small smile._

_I thought I saw his lips curve into a smile, but it was gone so quickly I couldn't be sure if it was just my imagination._

_I decided that it was time to change the subject and I remembered something I had wanted to do for a while now._

"_Edward, can I ask you to do me a favour?" My words came out with trepidation._

_He looked up and I was stunned by the power of his topaz eyes._

"_What?" he asked cautiously._

"_Do you promise to say yes?" I asked, playing with him a little and honestly wanting to make sure he wouldn't say no._

"_That depends..." he leant forward so that his eyes smouldered from under his eyelashes and I was stuck for a moment in his gaze. I felt his breath on my face and I breathed him in, savouring the delicious aroma that was him._

"_Um... can I draw you?" I asked breathlessly, leaning closer to him._

_Suddenly he was gone. I hadn't realised how close together we had gotten until I almost fell on my face when he was gone._

_I looked around and saw an outline in the trees._

"_I'm sorry, Edward." I whispered, knowing he would hear me. I must have been too close. He was trying so hard and doesn't make the task of not eating me any easier for him if I can't control my own movements._

"_It's fine, just give me a moment," Edward called, just loud enough for me to hear. I watched as Edward slowly began walking back towards me, noticing the moment he stepped into the sunlight and the sparkling effect returned._

_He stopped in front of me and curled his legs underneath him, again, as he sat facing me. He looked a little angry, although he was trying not to show it._

"_I'm sorry," I whispered again, looking at the ground in front of me. I could only guess that he was mad that I couldn't control myself around him, especially when he was doing so much to keep me alive._

"_It's not you. It's just that it's not bad enough that I'm faster, stronger and you are drawn in by my looks, but even my smell draws you in! I am overloaded with mechanisms to draw you in so I can kill you." He looked back at me and his eyes immediately softened. The lines in his face became less obvious._

"_But I promise I will never hurt you. I swear to you I won't." He said placing his hand back in mine, gently._

_**Is he convincing me, or himself**__? I thought to myself._

_**How terrible to think such a thing! Thank God he can't read my mind!**_

"_But, that's my problem. You just took me by surprise. Where were we before I was so rude?"_

"_Oh, it doesn't matter," I whispered. "It was silly anyway." I looked down at the sparkling skin of his hand throwing rainbows on my own pale skin._

"_That's right! You wanted to draw me. If you still want to after my less than candid behaviour then I would really like that. After all..." at this he took my chin in his hand so I was forced to look into his eyes."I promised that you'd get your turn next time." He smiled as we both remembered our second art class together, when he'd first talked to me._

"_It's not your fault I ended up spending the next class in the emergency room!" I smiled as a thought occurred to me._

"_Actually, it is your fault." He looked at me in alarm, his earlier humour wiped from his face, removing both his hands from mine in a lightning fast movement._

"_If it wasn't for you I would have been in the morgue instead." I smiled and clarified. After a moment, a crooked smile became apparent on his face, too. He rolled his eyes in my direction._

_I turned to my satchel and took out my sketchbook._

"_You were planning this!" Edward accused as I turned back with my book and pencil to look at him._

"_You never know when you're going to come across something that will inspire you," I said matter-of-factly. "Now, would you be so kind as to stay still? I can't draw you if you are going to continue to move."_

_Edward smiled my favourite crooked smile and I had to capture that face, with his eyes smouldering at me as his skin sparkled._

"_Don't move!" I said pointing my pencil in his direction._

_Opening to a new page, I began to draw, slowly, at first, but began moving faster as I became more involved in the picture. I took me ten minutes to realise he wasn't moving. He was completely still, but not in the regular way. It was like he had become stone. I couldn't even see his chest moving as he breathed - if he was breathing!_

"_Ok, so um, maybe you could move a little," I said uncertainly._

_The indulgent smile disappeared and his eyes became hard again, luckily I had drawn my favourite features first so they weren't lost to the picture._

"_Did I scare you?" he asked, scrutinising my expression, looking for any sign that I might try to lie to him._

_I swallowed hard before answering._

"_No. I've just never drawn a vampire before. I didn't realise how still you could be." I looked down at the half finished picture, getting the impression that there would be no more drawing today._

"_Keep going, it looks great so far!" I jumped as his voice whispered in my ear, but, when I looked up, he was still positioned in front of me._

"_Ok, but, while I'm drawing, tell me about your life. Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?"_

The afternoon in the meadow had worn on as I learnt more about Edward and his family and as the work now in front of me had taken shape. Although it was probably the best work I had ever done, it wasn't anything compared to Edward in the flesh. I could never capture the mercurial quality of his golden eyes, or the way his skin sparkled that day, or the way he could make my heart skip with only a look.

_Where are you?_

I looked at the picture again and noticed something that hadn't been there before. In the corner of the page was a line of script in something very similar to my own handwriting;

_Get better soon._

That was all, but it filled me with warmth and happiness.

_He did leave me something!_

_Obviously Edward wants to be cautious about our relationship, so he left me a note when he left the sketchbook here. He must be out hunting or something and wanted me to know if he wasn't here that he would see me soon!_

I decided it would probably be a good idea to head back down stairs before Charlie gets home; hewouldn't be too impressed if he found out I had made my way up the stairs, instead of resting.

Laboriously making my way downstairs, I hobbled into the living room and sat on the recliner. The bandage still around my right hand was itching and I honestly didn't think it was necessary anymore. Carefully, I picked at the bandage until it peeled back pulling at the skin on my palm.

The cut on my hand was surprisingly pale. I had been expecting a red slash across my palm that reflected the fire that it had caused. Instead, a crescent shaped mark was all that was left. It was raised at the moment but I knew that, in a few weeks, it would fade to a scar that would probably never fully heal; once the cast on my leg was removed, this would be the only remanent I had of the horror movie I had lived for three days.

… Edward and I could move on with being together.

"Hey dad, have you seen Dr. Cullen recently?" My head was screaming at me to stop talking, but I had to ask for my heart's well-being.

"Are you alright? Do you need to see a doctor?" Charlie asked, looking at me in alarm.

"Yeah, I'm absolutely fine! I was just curious," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, but hearing the slight strain in my voice.

"Well, it's funny you should ask… Dr Cullen got offered a high paying job in Los Angeles while I was in Phoenix with you. It was the talk of the town when I got back," Charlie stated, biting into his slice of pizza.

My stomach dropped through my feet.

_Wait! What? He got offered a job in Los Angeles? Surely he can't take it! It would be way too sunny and I knew from personal experience that the Cullens couldn't do sunny._

_Unless he does the night shifts…_

"Did he take the job?" I asked, looking at my feet to hide my panic from Charlie.

"Of course he did! Apparently they offered him a lot of money and, after all, he's not that old and has his family to think about. They were gone before I got back," Charlie voiced conversationally, not realising the turmoil that was taking place inside me.

I was in shock. I could feel the color leaving my face.

"Bells are you ok?" I looked up and saw Charlie watching me closely.

"Um, yeah, I'm just tired that's all. Do you mind if I go to bed?" I said quietly, sure that I was as pale as a ghost.

"Of course. Are you sure you're ok?" He looked concerned, but I didn't address his discomfort. My own feelings were washing over me fast, coming close to drowning me.

"Yeah. Goodnight." I tried to flee quickly up the stairs to my room, but failed miserably with my crutches.

I headed upstairs slower than I wanted to, closing the door behind me when I reached my room. I sat on the bed and put my hand over my chest as I began to hyperventilate.

_They're gone? And they didn't tell me? Edward is gone?_

I couldn't breathe, it felt like my ribs were all broken, pressing in steadily on my lungs, puncturing holes in my heart, leaving me to die of internal bleeding. I knew that it was ridiculous to be acting like this, after all, Edward and I could only really have been considered "dating" for two days. But ...

He cared enough about me to risk his life and the lives of all of his family to save me, doesn't that mean he loved me? He had told me he loved me more than once and promised never to hurt me because it would cause him pain if he lost me.

I felt the sketchbook next to my hand and I needed to see him again. A picture is better than nothing.

My chest was on fire as I flipped through the pages until I finally came across my sub-standard depiction of Edward, again, running my fingers over his lips, his eyes, his face.

I opened to a new page and began to draw. I knew it was the only thing that would help me think. I needed to draw him.

But, after a few lines, I tore out the page, screwing it into a suitable shape for throwing before doing just that.

I started again.

_Start with the eyes Bella, his liquid butterscotch eyes that showed you how much he loved you._

I tried, but I soon realised they were completely wrong and that page followed in the path of the first, landing beside it.

I opened to the page with his picture on it again.

'_Get Better Soon'._

I ran my finger over the indented letters and, suddenly, the words smudged slightly when a tear dropped onto the page.

_Do you really mean that?_

In a sudden fit of rage I threw the book across the room, leaving a small dent in the plaster.

"Bella, are you ok?" Charlie called from downstairs.

"Um, yeah Dad. I knocked something off my desk but, everything's alright!" My voice sounded thick and it felt like my throat was slowly closing over as the weight on my chest increased.

I slowly stood up and collected the book from the floor, with only a little awkwardness, before opening to a blank page.

_I can't draw, but I can't just throw things when I'm upset!_

I closed my eyes and thought of Edward, my hand barely moved as I begin to write:

_Dear Edward,_

_Where are you? Why didn't you say goodbye?_

_I miss you._

_Do you even care?_

Tears began to leak from between my closed eyelids and on opening my eyes I can't see the words as the tears begin to fall fast and steady. Swinging my injured leg up onto the bed and pulling my other one after that, I pull a pillow into my arms and hug it close, as I let my emotions fly free, biting into the pillow to keep Charlie from hearing me as my world falls apart.

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**So what did you think? I hope you found this chapter slightly more intriguing! **

**Here's a few questions for you (I'd love to receive your thoughts!):**

**Did he really leave? **

**Who wrote the message?**

**Is Bella being overdramatic, considering that they hadn't been "together" for more than two days?**

**I probably won't get the next chapter out until I start and finish uni exams! So give me a month or so!**

**Any reviewers are loved forever and may receive a preview of another chapter (not necessarily the next one!) **


	4. Reality Bites!

**Hi everyone!**

**Remember me? The slightly second rate writer of this story? Yeah, that's right; the one that never writes!**

**Well if you are interested I have three things to blame:**

**1. University (doing 13 weeks worth of work in about 5 weeks is hell, then being assessed on the knowledge that was crammed into your head is even bigger hell).**

**2. Nanowrimo (why enter a novel writing competition in the middle of the aforementioned exams? Because I'm a sucker for punishment and a chance to add something else to the list of totally random things I have done).**

**3. Lack of interest in the story itself (I don't know how it ends so it's difficult to give a definite direction to the story).**

**This chapter has a lot of internal monologue and even a little philosophy; don't say I didn't warn you! So, I hope you like the chapter! If it's a little more second rate than usual it's because my Grand Vizier hasn't edited it; I wanted it to be out in time for Christmas and give her a break to get her own chapter out. She's still my legend though!**

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Reality Bites!

Stopping in front of the door to Room 108 I paused, bracing myself for what waited beyond the door.

_Calm down, it won't be like the rest of the day Bella! These people are adults!_

Squaring my shoulders I pulled open the heavy door and walked into the classroom trying not to look at the people situated at the desks as I walked along the front of the room. As I reached the desk out the front I finally peeked at the rest of the class through my hair; what I saw surprised me.

_No one is staring or watching me!_

All day I had been putting up with the people at school staring at me, being overly helpful and attentive, or giving me the general feeling that they were talking about me when they didn't even know me. But all the people in this classroom seemed to have better things to think or talk about than the new girl; nobody seemed to care that I was Chief Swan's daughter. These people were more like me; in their own world where drawing helped them to stay anchored to reality.

"Ah, you must be Miss Swan. Please take a seat, we're about to begin." The kindly voice to my right had me taking my incredulous eyes from the rest of the class to settle on a middle-aged woman with dark hair and a nose ring, to whom the voice belonged.

Looking at the woman, who I noticed was actually sitting on the desk, I smiled shyly, "Um thanks, and um call me Bella."

Looking around the room I saw an empty table at the back and I paused;

_This isn't right, _a voice said in the back of my mind.

Shaking my head I began walking towards the empty table and took a seat. The thought had passed as quick as it had come and I had no idea what it meant. This was my first time in this class, how would I know if something isn't right?

The class began and I pushed my confusion to the back of my mind as I opened to a new page in my sketchbook. I began to draw some of the fruit as the woman at the front began to explain the finer points of drawing still-life; it was not a difficult task but offered a welcome release from the stress that the day had provided. The stress came from the staring and whispering and the exorbitant amount of questions that the population of Forks High school had piled on top of me. It was nice to just sit and draw, particularly since I had the whole desk to myself, instead of sharing with a partner.

_Where is he? This isn't right._

There was that voice again, telling me that something was different, that something was missing; no not something, someone was missing. I had no idea why I would feel this way, after all it was only my third day in Forks and I should feel more right in this environment than at the high school, I should feel more at home. It was ridiculous for me to feel that something was wrong, but the feeling wasn't going away.

Shaking my head I stopped drawing and placed my head on my hands for a moment, trying to dislodge the thoughts that were trying to make themselves known.

_It has just been a long day, you're just tired Bella!_

Suddenly I felt the air around me shift and become colder.

Opening my eyes I felt a moment of pure panic before it was washed away in a sea of acceptance.

The art class was gone and I was standing in the car park outside the community college, half way between my truck and the collage building.

_How did I end up here?_

My confusion at the change of scenery was washed away by other feelings that seemed more pressing; caution, confusion and even a little bit of sadness. Shrugging I continued to move away from the truck at the end of the parking lot, heading towards the warmth of the collage. I was into my second week in Forks and was finding myself settling into a groove; wake up, go to school, come home, prepare dinner, do homework, have dinner with Charlie, go to bed, this was my life in Forks, my weekdays following the same pattern with the only relent being my Tuesday afternoon art classes. One thing I wasn't used to was the temperature, it was so cold that the parking lot at the high school had been covered in ice, making it dangerous for students to walk through this morning. Thankfully throughout the day most of the ice had melted, only leaving small patches that were too thick to have melted over the course of the day. It would have been very treacherous driving too, where black ice could be covering the road in places, if Charlie hadn't been nice enough to put snow chains on my tyres, I wasn't used to people taking care of me like that, it had been quite touching to have someone take care of me in even a remotely parental way.

My internal musings were interrupted by a loud screeching from behind me that was quickly becoming painfully loud. I turned in time to see the headlights of a large vehicle skittering towards me at an alarming pace. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in movies. Instead the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster. The dark blue van was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly on a patch of ice that had lasted the day without melting. It was going to hit the golden car behind me, but I was in the way. I was going to be squished! My unconscious mind took over and I threw myself backwards on pure instinct, my only thought was to get away from the van; like if you are facing a dangerous animal your instincts are telling you to back away slowly, I just didn't have the time to move slowly. I fell between two closely parked cars mere moments before the skittering van could squish me. I could hear the shattering crunch of the van pulverising the cars on either side of me, a groaning metallic thud hurt my ears as the van came to a halt, glass shattering from the window of one of the cars, showering me in shards. Finally taking stock of my surroundings I saw that the two cars I had thrown myself between had taken the force of the blow, leaving me practically without a scratch.

_He saved me... didn't he? He stopped the van, not my reflexes._

There was that voice again, telling me that I was forgetting something important. I felt like I was missing something, that what I had just experienced was wrong, but the feeling seemed to be getting weaker.

Closing my eyes I tried to breathe deeply, taking long steadying breaths listening as my heart rate began to slow back to a normal pace. I suddenly felt so tired and confused, there was something I was missing but I couldn't quite place it. I tried to ignore the sounds of people around me, many sounding worried and scared; it will take a while for them to get me out of here and I need to think clearly. The voices seemed to be getting softer and for a moment I worried I was falling asleep, maybe I had a concussion which means I shouldn't be going to sleep, but then that wave of worry vanished to be replaced by acceptance.

My body was starting to feel warm and the light against my eyelids grew, the voices were gone and the asphalt beneath my back seemed to have turned soft. Opening my eyes I realised it was the sun warming me, a beautiful meadow full of wildflowers spread out around me in all directions; I turned my face towards the sun as I basked in the moment of sunlight and true warmth that was so rare in Forks. Sitting up I am suddenly overcome with a familiar feeling that something is missing, someone to talk to. Running my hands through my hair I think about who I have been dreaming about. It sounds really girly but lately this dream keeps reoccurring, about a boy who is so perfect that he could never be real. I had dreamt that the two of us were sitting in the meadow, and he was sparkling in the sunlight, like he was made of light himself; it was beautiful and amazing and he liked me, maybe even loved me.

But it was just a dream; he was so perfect that he couldn't exist in the real world. He was unreal and completely fictional; he sparkled in the sunlight, he was more gorgeous than any supermodel, he was good at everything, he was impossibly strong and fast, he refused to eat anything, he was paler than the dead, his skin was ice cold, and his eyes changed colour. But what made him the most unreal was that he was interested in me; plain, boring, strange old me. He would sell millions of books if someone wrote about him, just because he was so wonderful, but also has an unreal quality that no one person could ever possess.

It was a shame because maybe if he was real I wouldn't feel so out of place here, so alone. I mean school was fine and I had some friends but I didn't really relate to them; it seemed like I was so much older than them. But at least here I had friends, unlike in Phoenix where people had thought I was weird and therefore ostracized me. The loneliness I felt here was a constant weight on my body, a weight that grew daily and was steadily crushing me. I think that is why my subconscious mind had created a friend for me, someone who understood me and related to me on a much deeper level; the boy in the dream was just as old mentally as I was, if not older, he had old fashioned values and a way of looking at the world that made it seem he knew so much more about life than I did, like he had been around forever; he understood me on a level most people didn't. He made me feel like I belonged, that I had a place in the world that involved being close to him.

I sighed to myself, but he was just a dream.

A niggling thought in the back of my head tried to make itself known but I couldn't quite grasp hold of it. After a moment I gave up and opened to a new page in my sketchbook and a sense of déjà-vu overcame me; in the most recent dream I had drawn him.

If he was here I could have drawn him, it is such a beautiful day and in my dreams he sparkles like a diamond in the sunlight; he looks even more beautiful when he sparkles. It would be nice to draw something so beautiful.

_Why can't you? It's not like anyone is ever going to know that you made him up._

Taking out my pencils I close my eyes and begin to draw. I pretend that it is like it was in the dream, with him sitting in front of me. I can see him in my mind's eye as I sketch, trying very hard to make sure I do it right. I sketch in his eyes that always seem to be a different colour and always portray emotions that are so deep and meaningful, his hair that is so disarrayed but neat at the same time, his hands that are always so hard and cold but gentle and strong at the same time, and finally his lips that whisper to me in my mind and press so softly against my dream skin.

Finally I hold up my finished product, it wasn't quite right, little details were off but it was still one of the best drawings I had ever done. How do you draw perfection? Even if he was sitting right in front of me I would never be able to portray his perfection. Putting the sketchbook away I lay back on the grass closing my eyes again, letting the dappled sunlight move across my skin.

_Why can't he be real?_

A small voice in the back of my head answered scornfully; _even if he was real, why would he be interested in you? He's a dream Bella and it's really time you woke up and faced reality._

Bolting upright in bed I felt like I was choking, for a few long minutes all I could do wass try to pull in as much air as possible, my lungs just didn't seem to be able to take in enough oxygen.

As my breathing became less ragged the dream came back to me in full force; Edward was gone, my time with Edward was just a dream and I was drowning in a sea of loneliness.

_It was a dream Bella!_ It was just a dream I try to tell myself over and over again. But a voice in the back of my head is repeating something slightly different,

_He's a dream Bella and it's really time you faced reality._

This is reality, he's not just a dream; he was here and he loved me, I know he did.

_If he loved you why isn't he here now?_

It was a question that I had been asking myself since I'd come back to Forks over a month ago. He wasn't here and there was no sign that he had been here, except my memories and one picture in my sketchbook. But that didn't mean he doesn't exist at all; I'm not that imaginative. I wasn't imaginative enough to create this fantastic person who was perfect and smart and strong and gorgeous and loved me.

_He's a dream Bella and it's really time you faced reality._

No! He is not a dream! I cannot believe that everything I had felt was just a figment of my imagination. He sat with me in art class, he saved me from being squished by a van, he took me to the meadow to see him in the sunlight, he wrote me a lullaby and he watched me while I slept, and took me to meet his family, and gave me my first kiss, and... and...

And even if he was a dream that meant that everything else had been a dream too. His family, James, the attack, they were all part of a dream; I still had the cast to prove that the attack was not a dream.

_You fell down a flight of stairs, honey, then through a window. _That is what my mother had said; I knew it was a lie. I remembered being in the ballet studio not falling down the steps at some hotel. I knew with all my being that I had not been anywhere near the hotel, I don't think I was even staying there before I went to the ballet studio.

_There were witnesses, the hotel was fully expecting you to take them to court, and Charlie had been willing to do just that._ That was something Charlie had tried to convince me was a good idea; of course I couldn't do that considering I didn't get injured at the hotel; it had just been a cover for what really happened.

I remembered James coming for me, he bit me, and then Edward sucked out the poison and saved me. I had the bite mark on my hand; I could feel it now, a raised crescent moon shape on my skin. It was not a dream, it was fact, it was knowledge.

_You can't know something implicitly you know, our mind will sometimes tell us what we want to hear, figuratively speaking. If a farmer goes out to a field to see if his favourite cow is there and sees a shape within some trees that is white with black spots, he may conclude that it is his cow based on what his brain tells him. The farmer goes back inside knowing that his cow is in the field. Later on a farm-hand goes out into the field and sees that it is not the cow amongst the trees but a sheet with black spots on it. The farmer was sure it was his cow, knew with all his being, but he was wrong. Who is to say that you aren't wrong too? After all you hit your head really hard and you never told anyone about him. How do you know that your head didn't become a bit scrambled from the fall so that you think your imaginary friend is real? Your mind might be telling you that the scar on your hand is a bite, but it might have simply been caused by a warped piece of glass from the hotel window._

No! I couldn't believe that my own mind was fighting against me. And even if I did fall down the stairs in Phoenix Edward was here with me before that; he was not a figment of my imagination.

_If you had this perfect guy why didn't you tell anyone about him? Why lead Charlie to believe that you weren't really close to anyone in Forks?_

I didn't really have an answer to that; Edward had never told me to keep our strangely intense relationship a secret, it had just turned out that way. Edward had told me to introduce him to Charlie on that last day, but I hadn't; I'd told Edward to wait until the moment was right.

_Now he's gone for good and you don't need to tell anyone anything._ I had been trying to tell myself for weeks that Edward was coming back, but after almost two months I was accepting that the Cullens were gone.

_Because they were never here in the first place!_

That wasn't true, Charlie knew Carlisle from the hospital so he definitely existed; but no one in town had ever met any of the other Cullens, they had no idea what they were like.

I had to believe that they existed, because if they didn't, if my final weekend before the accident had been my imagination, then I would have to admit that Edward was just a dream; a figment of a mind that was so pulled down with loneliness in a new town that I had created an imaginary friend to hold off the darkness. Which meant that I was crazy; seventeen year olds don't have imaginary friends.

Shifting until my torso was hanging over the side of the bed I reached down to collect my sketchbook from where I now kept it under the bed. Turning on the bedside light I finally noticed that the time was a little after midnight.

_The prom is probably over by now, _I thought to myself as I opened the sketchbook to my most recent entry; I didn't use the sketchbook to draw anymore, I had lost the ability to draw when I lost Edward, now I used the sketchbook to write letters to the one person I wished I could talk to. Looking at the page in front of me I saw the letter I had wrote tonight before going to sleep:

_Dear Edward,_

_Where are you? Why aren't you here?_

_The prom is tonight, obviously I'm not going. Mike asked me to go with him, but I couldn't do it. _

_Is it silly that I felt I would be betraying you if I went with someone else?_

_I wish you had explained to me why you left; actually if I'm wishing for things I wish you hadn't left at all._

_I miss you, but I think you know that._

_I used to ask when are you coming back, but I'm going to stop doing that now, after all you've been gone for two months, and every day another part of me dies a little._

I stopped reading. He does exist. He has to.

_Prove it, _the voice in my head was driving me crazy.

Wait, I could prove it. The house on the river that the Cullens lived in; you can't erase a house. The house would still be there; I could drive there and put all my fears to rest about me being crazy. Unfortunately the plan would need to wait until the cast came off; three more weeks until I could prove to that voice in my head that Edward was real.

_Even if he is real, he still abandoned you._

It was something I couldn't argue with; but it was better to be abandoned than crazy.

Lying back down in bed I kept repeating to myself a new mantra; three more weeks, three more weeks, and then I can know without a doubt that I'm not crazy.

I finally went back to sleep, telling myself over and over that I could prove Edward was not imaginative.

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**Hi, it's me again!**

**Let me know what you think!**

**What will Bella find at the Cullen house?**

**Is Edward a figment of her imagination?**

**Does anyone know about the philosophy principles shown in this chapter?**

**I'd love to get up to 10 reviews by New Year!**

**I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! **

**See you in 2011!**


	5. Peeling Away The Layers

**Hello Readers!**

**Well I hope you are enjoying 2011!**

**Thank you for being so patient with me and I hope you won't be too disappointed!**

**I offer thanks to my Grand Vizier who spends days telling my writing does not suck!**

**I own nothing! (Except amazing friends)**

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Peeling Away The Layers

"How are we today, Bella?"

I hated that - the 'we' in asking how I am_. Well I don't know how you are, Dr Snow, but I want to get this stupid cast off my leg._

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

"How is the drawing going?" Dr Snow asked, trying to make small talk.

I didn't want to seem rude, but I honestly didn't want to make small talk either.

"Fine" I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.

The truth was that I hadn't drawn since the attempt to draw the day I had returned from Phoenix. The problem was that as soon as I tried to draw anything my mind would instantly move to the last person I had drawn and my breathing would become shallow and my hand wouldn't move the way I wanted it to.

"I'm sure you're ready for this cast to be gone," he said, smiling kindly at me before turning to the row of cabinets against the wall opposite me. Doctor Snow was an old man with white hair and an appearance that was almost grandfatherly.

"Yeah, I guess." I muttered, looking at the cast - the thing that had restricted my movements for so long. I was trying very hard not to portray just how much I wanted to get the cast off. With the cast off, I could drive myself everywhere again. I wouldn't need to rely on Charlie for transportation anymore and then I could...

_Don't think about it,_ _otherwise it is going to be a very long day tomorrow. Charlie is waiting outside to take you home and then tomorrow you have school. Then, and only then, will you have the opportunity to drive outside of town and down the highway. _I berated myself for the umpteenth time today.

Bringing out a small hand-held circular saw, Dr Snow made short work of the cast that had been the bane of my existence for the last three months and, before I knew it, the cast was pulled away and all I saw was the pale, thin leg underneath. It looked different somehow, like it didn't belong to me.

"All done! Now, let's have a little walk around and see how we go," Doctor Snow said, moving to help me down.

Carlisle had never talked to me like that.

_Yeah, but you only met him once for five minutes after you almost got squished by that van. That isn't a lot of time to get a well-rounded impression. _

I sighed internally at my inability to argue with that voice in the back of my head anymore. It used to be on my side, now it seemed like it was at the head of the "Bella's insane" parade.

Standing up, I stumbled sideways. Luckily Dr Snow caught my arm and helped steady me, giving me a kindly smile. I took a walk around the small examination room, my balance was off for a few moments. The cast had been heavy and, with it removed, I needed to re-centre myself.

"Very good, Bella. Is there any pain?" Doctor Snow gestured back to the examination table and, as I sat back down, he leant over my leg feeling up the length of it to the knee, seemingly testing for any abnormalities.

"I'm fine. Can I go now?" I blurted, wanting desperately to be anywhere but at a hospital.

"In a minute," he answered with authority. "How are you sleeping, Bella?" Dr Snow looked up from his examination of my leg.

"I'm sorry?"

_How does he know that you haven't been sleeping?_

"You look tired." Dr Snow scrutinised my expression and, for a moment, it felt like he could see into my soul - like he knew that I hadn't slept for more than two hours a night in the last few weeks. He looked at me like he knew that I was afraid to sleep in case I had the dream again where my mind would turn on me, and tell me that I was crazy.

"I'm fine." I said, trying my hardest to not give away my fear that he would see below my carefully constructed facade. Unfortunately I was a bad liar.

"If you aren't sleeping I can prescribe you something."

"Honestly, I'm just stressed. You know… school stuff." I looked away from him, down at the linoleum floor. Hopefully if he couldn't see my face he wouldn't see the lie in my face.

Moving back to the other side of the room, Dr Snow opened the cabinet containing assorted medical supplies. Picking up a small bottle from one of the shelves, he turned back and held out the bottle to me. "Well, just in case you can't sleep, take two with water."

Looking at the bottle, I asked, "What are they?"

Dr Snow smiled, still proffering the bottle. "Simply a mild sedative. They should knock you out for about seven hours at a time."

"So, you think I need to be sedated?" I was a little shocked that a doctor was giving me a sedative that was strong enough to knock me out. He obviously thought I was sensible enough to not take them all at once and end up dead. He obviously wasn't afraid that Charlie would have reason to sue him for giving a teenager prescription drugs without a prescription.

"I think that sometimes we need a little help to deal with our 'stress'." It was obvious that he didn't believe my lie that it was stress keeping me awake.

"If I take them can I go?" I meant taking them from his hand. I had no intention of actually consuming them.

My patience had become almost non-existent of late and now that I had the cast off I just wanted to leave the hospital and pretend that the incident in Phoenix had never occurred.

"Of course. Your father is waiting for you down the hall. Please call me if you have any problems or pain." He was actually nice and under other circumstances I wouldn't have been so short with him, but I suppose you could say the same about a lot of things in my life these days.

Sliding off the examination table, again, I quickly took the bottle of tablets and slid them into my bag, as I moved towards the door.

I paused in the doorway and said softly, not looking at Dr Snow, "Will I still dream?"

"No, you will sleep too deeply to dream."

Satisfied I moved down the hallway towards the waiting room where I knew Charlie was waiting to take me home.

Suddenly, a door caught my eye and I stopped in front of it. "Dr Carlisle Cullen" was posted on in it very clearly.

_Obviously Forks Hospital hasn't had the opportunity to replace him yet, or even remove his name from the door._

I could feel my hand reaching for the doorknob and, although my mind was telling me it was a bad idea, my body wasn't responding. Pushing open the door, I found an empty room with a desk in the middle facing the door. Moving into the office, I took in my surroundings. The walls were bare, but there were hooks where diplomas and pictures could be hung and I could see a fine layer of dust covering the desk.

Obviously no one has been in here for a while.

Moving around to the other side of the desk, I sat in the office chair with the high back. I had never been in this room before, but it had a strange sense of familiarity, like it held a small piece of Carlisle. There were two drawers in the desk on the right-hand side. Opening the first one, I found nothing but a pen and a notepad. Closing the drawer, I opened the second drawer. It was empty. I felt a wave of disappointment sweep over me.

_What were you expecting, a letter? An explanation? _

"What are you doing?"

Jerking my head up, painfully, I could see the silhouette of Charlie in the doorway, watching me.

"Um, nothing," I stammered, quickly jumping up from the chair.

"Come on. You shouldn't be in here." Charlie turned quickly and was gone around the corner before I could take a breath.

Moving back around the desk, I fell into step behind Charlie as we moved towards the crowded waiting room.

"How did you find me?" I asked, looking at my feet. It was strange to be without the cast.

"I was worried that something was wrong, so I was on my way down to the examination room when I saw Dr Cullen's door open."

By this time we had moved out into the rainy, Forks twilight.

"You still haven't told me what you were doing," Charlie said as I spotted his car.

I quickly walked to the cruiser and got in, giving myself a moment to try a come up with a logical explanation for why I was in Carlisle's office. Unfortunately, I was coming up blank.

Turning the key in the ignition, Charlie looked at me expectantly, "Well?"

"I just wanted to see something," I said, looking at my fingers in my lap. I had never been good at lying and I hoped that if he couldn't see my face he'd believe me.

"What is it with you and Dr Cullen? You asked me about him when you first came back. You asked me about his family a few months ago and now I find you snooping in his old office. I think you owe me some kind of explanation." Charlie was pulling out of the hospital driveway, but I could feel him watching me out of the corner of his eye.

I couldn't tell him the truth. I wasn't even sure if I knew the truth anymore. But he was right. I owed him some kind of explanation for why I was caught in Carlisle's old office. Unfortunately, I was still coming up with nothing.

Looking out the windshield, I could see the wet landscape around me and simply made me feel sad. "I'm sorry, Dad. I don't know what came over me. I guess, I was curious about why if he moved away his name was still on the door, but I suppose that doctors don't move to Forks every day."

"No, they don't. Anyway, I suppose it doesn't matter. I was just surprised to see you there. So, I guess you're glad to have the cast off, right? I know how much you hate riding in the cruiser with me." Charlie smiled momentarily before moving his vision back to the road. I could have kissed him for not pushing the subject.

"It's not you that's the problem. It's just that the cruiser screams POLICE which makes people slow down or look at who might be inside," I explained, trying to make light of my relief by blaming my impatience on my dislike of the cruiser itself. I knew I had dodged a bullet, but, at the same time, I was already planning my trip to the Cullens' house.

* * *

"Hey, Bella."

I tried not to groan as I turned towards the sound of Mike's voice, forcing a smile onto my face.

"The cast is off! That's great! Now you can come out with us again," Mike exclaimed, coming to a stop next to me and leaning against my truck.

"Yeah, I guess," I muttered as I closed the door and began to move around him on my way to English.

"We were thinking of doing something to celebrate the beginning of summer, maybe a road trip to the beach." Mike quickly caught up with me and kept his step in time with mine.

"That sounds fun." I tried to speed up, but then Mike sped up more, overtaking me and began walking backwards in front of me. I had to restrict my pace so that I didn't step on his toes.

"So how'd you go with that essay for English? I'll be glad to get rid of it."

"Oh, um, yeah, me too. When's that due again?" I queried, trying to remember which essay he was talking about.

"Ah, today, did you forget again?" Mike looked at me like he was really sorry for having to give me the bad news.

"No, I just left it at home. I hope Mr Mason will let me bring it in tomorrow." In truth, I had forgotten, but I had other more important things to worry about than school work, like the slipping of my sanity.

"I don't know. He's been cutting you a lot of slack lately, but I think he's reaching his limit." Mike warned, dropping back to walk beside me, again.

"I'll make sure I have it tomorrow," I said, trying to calculate how long it would take me to do.

_After I go to the Cullens place,_ I reminded myself unnecessarily.

It's not like I'll be sleeping anyway. I was not going to sink to the level of drug use, even if a doctor had practically given me permission.

"Um, like you did the last essay, or the one before that, or the three weeks' worth of homework you still need to hand in? And you do know it's Friday, right? You won't be handing in anything tomorrow." Mike was prodding my last nerve. I stopped walking and, after a few more steps, Mike noticed and stopped.

"Who are you? The homework brigade? Obviously you are keeping a very close eye on me and I honestly hope that Jessica hasn't noticed. You remember her right? Your girlfriend? Why don't you just mind your own business and leave me alone," I snapped.

Turning away from Mike and his hurt face, I made a beeline for the English building. It wasn't that Mike was wrong. I had been forgetting to hand in a lot of school work lately and I suppose that my impeccable promptness in the past meant that every teacher trusted that I would get my work in before the end of the school year in two weeks. The problem was that my mind couldn't focus on anything at the moment except the possibility that Edward Cullen may not exist. When I got home from school with Charlie, I went through the motions of making dinner then getting ready for bed. Not that I was sleeping much. Sleep had become an almost foreign concept to me and, over the last few weeks, I had got more sleep on the ten minute drive home from school.

"Ah, Miss Swan, how nice of you to join us. I was just giving back the pop quiz from yesterday."

Great, not only was I showing up homework-less again, but I was also late again. Hurrying to my seat, I placed my bag beside me before realising my pop quiz was already sitting on my desk. However, at the top of the page was a single digit number in red marker. I had failed again.

As I tried not to think of the house by the river and what exactly I would do when I found it, the class passed by in a blur. My eyes turned towards the window and I watched the rain distorting the forested surroundings of the school.

Finally, the bell awoke me from my waking sleep and I began to move towards the exit before hearing my name.

"Miss Swan, a word?"

Turning back, I made my way through the flood of people moving to exit the class, avoiding Mike's look of concern.

"Yes, Mr Mason?" I said, stopping in front of the desk.

"Would I be right in assuming that you do not have an assignment to hand in?" he said, looking at the papers on his desk, not even giving me the courtesy of looking at me.

"I'm sorry. I left it at home. I promise to have it on Monday," I answered, hoping that he wouldn't catch me in my lie and that his lenience would extend just a little further.

"Like you promised to have the last essay in to me last week? Or how you promised me that you had done the last three lots of literature responses, but lost them?" He reprimanded, looking up at me, finally, his face hard and a little disappointed.

There was no excuse I could tell anyone, so I kept my mouth shut.

He moved around the desk until he was standing in front of me. "Look, Bella, you are a good student, but lately I can see that you haven't been paying attention and I'm not the only one to notice. Homework not being turned in, failing tests, not even pretending to take notes," he listed. "I don't want to fail you, but if something doesn't change over the weekend - if the homework doesn't start coming in - I may have no choice."

"I'll try harder," I mumbled, looking at the ground. I didn't want to fail, but my life seemed to have taken a backseat lately.

_What is the use of doing homework when you might have created an imaginary friend that you had loved more than anything else in the world?_

"It's not about trying harder, Bella, it's about trying at all." Mr Mason was watching me, probably trying to discern if he was getting through to me. I didn't have an answer to the unspoken questions hanging between us, so I tried to change the subject.

"I'm going to be late to my next class," I said, looking away from his searching face to the door.

"Of course. You'd better be going."

"I will have that essay on Monday… I promise," I stated, taking the opportunity to flee from the sense of disappointment that lingered from our conversation.

The rest of the day was no better. Although I wasn't pulled aside by any other teachers, it was obvious that they did notice something was wrong with me. Even my friends hardly talked to me anymore. It didn't even matter. My entire mind was focused on the drive to the Cullen's house by the river. It remained that way until an errant word met my ears later at lunch.

_Cullen._

"What was that?" I asked, whipping my head in Jessica's direction, to my left.

There was a moment of silence where everybody at the table just looked at me. There were similar looks on many faces that I didn't understand or recognise.

After a long moment, Jessica spoke up, "I was saying that the hospital has found someone to replace Doctor Cullen. Mom met her yesterday when she came into the bank."

"Oh, well I guess that's good. The hospital was short-handed," I said, beginning to drift back into my own world, staring at my tray of untouched food.

"It's a shame that Doctor Cullen had to move. If I were a few years older, I definitely would have asked him out," Jessica said flippantly, before taking a sip of her drink.

_Yeah, about 400 years older!_

"He's married, Jessica," I added, looking up briefly and seeing Mike looking slightly horrified, as if Jessica was actually serious.

"How would you know? And besides, I never saw his wife," Jessica refuted, looking at me nastily. Like this whole conversation wasn't ridiculous anyway! What did it matter if Jessica had thought Carlisle hot? He was gone.

"She's right, Jess. My mom said that he also had a few kids," Angela chimed in, giving me a small smile.

"I don't think he was old enough to have kids," Jessica said, turning her attention away from me and to Angela. I began to pull my bread roll apart into tiny pieces that I picked at.

"Well, they were probably really young, since they weren't in school," Angela said, defending herself.

_This is just stupid! Why is this even important?_

I could feel unwanted emotions boiling up inside of me and I just needed everyone to stop talking. "What does it matter anyway? The Cullens are gone, they left and ..." It took me a moment to realise it was me shouting, but as soon as I did I trailed off.

I stood up and backed away from the table filled with people staring at me, leaving behind a mostly untouched tray of food and many mumbled conjectures and whispers as I fled the cafeteria.

_The Cullens are gone and they didn't bother to let me know._ _Maybe Angela was right._ _Maybe Dr_ _Cullen only had young children. Maybe there was no magic - Carlisle was just a normal, good looking doctor that I had met once and everything after that was a fantasy of my own creation. What does it matter if I find the Cullen house? It won't make a difference. Dr Cullen took his family and left Forks. A house won't prove that Edward existed._

_But, if Edward and your relationship was a fantasy, then how do you know that the house is there, or what it looks like? When you see the house you will have proof that you didn't make it up._

As the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, I moved towards the science building, knowing that the voice in the back of my head was right. I needed to find one solid piece of evidence that Edward existed. What was slowly driving me crazy was not that Edward left me without saying goodbye, or that he obviously felt different about our relationship than I did. No. It was that I couldn't be sure he existed, that, somewhere in the world, he still lived and that my heart, which wasn't with me, was in the care of another.

* * *

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	6. Empty

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I had never liked gym, but considering that I had spent the last three months having an excuse to sit it out you would think that my feelings would have softened over time. That was not the case. After five minutes in the gymnasium playing basketball, falling over my own and other people's feet, my hatred was reinstated in full force. After seven minutes, I was almost completely cut out of the game, which was fine with me since I caused less damage that way. Also, with my mind miles away, it was better to stay away from the flying ball before I ended up with a concussion, or I gave someone else one.

Finally, it was the end of the day and, as I got changed out of my sport uniform, my mind was focused entirely on my drive to the house by the river. My head was flooded with a myriad of questions.

_How far out is it? How long will it take to get there and back? How much time do I have before Charlie gets home? Most importantly, what am I going to do once I get there?_

The last one was the one that had me the most worried.

Leaving the gymnasium, I made my way through the steady rain towards my truck.

"Bella! Hey, Bella!"

I ignored the voice and began moving a little faster to the car. Unfortunately I was not fast enough. After a moment, Angela caught up with me although she had to almost trot to keep up.

"Hey, Bella, slow down," Angela said, keeping her head down to keep the rain out of her hood.

I stopped walking and sighed as Angela stopped in front of me. S_he is holding me up,_ I thought to myself, hoping that I could make up any time I lost by going faster on the highway.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok," Angela said, stepping around to the side of me so she wasn't standing in the middle of the parking lot.

With Angela out of my way, I saw my opening and began to walk again.

"I'm fine, Angela... just glad that it's the end of the week."

Angela ran until she was in front of me again and I was forced to stop much to my irritation. The voice in my head seemed to start tapping an imaginary foot.

_You're wasting time_!

"You and I know that it's more than that. You kind of lost it at lunch." Angela sounded nervous, like she didn't want to intrude in my personal life, but she sounded curious as well.

"So, I'm having a bad day, it happens," I defended, trying to brush her off. I had enough problems already and I didn't want them spewing out now.

Angela wasn't buying it. "It wasn't just lunch; you barely eat, you look exhausted, and you haven't handed in any homework for weeks."

"Look, Angela, there is nothing wrong," I said sharply beginning to turn away.

_What is it with people today? Whatever happened to minding your own business? And since when was it ok to spend every spare moment checking up on me?_

Turning back, I saw that Angela was actually opening her mouth to push the issue. I snapped.

"And even if there was it's none of yours or anyone else's business."

With that, I opened my car door and got into the car, closing the door and turning the key in the ignition, drowning out anything Angela might have to say. I quickly moved out of the parking spot and manoeuvred carefully between other cars until I left the parking lot far behind.

What was it with people today and telling me things I already knew? Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am distracted. Yes, I have lost my appetite, and yes I was behind in my homework, but why does it even matter? My sanity is in question here and everything else has just faded into the background. But once I see the house in the woods, once I have solid proof that Edward and his family existed somewhere, I can begin to move on.

_What if the house isn't there?_ A small voice in the back of my mind asked.

_It has to be_, I told myself sharply. _If it isn't then that means that Edward was a figment of my_ _imagination - that how I felt about him was all make-believe. He was the only boy I had ever loved, or kissed, or almost died for, and he was the only person who had ever really known me. If he was my imagination then that meant I couldn't trust my own memories anymore and that there was no one who really understood me. The house has to be there._

The voice seemed intent on pulling me down. _What happens if it is there? It doesn't change the fact that he left, or that he didn't even bother to see if you survived the Phoenix incident, or that he doesn't care what you're going through right now... None of them do._

I had been trying to avoid this question and for a long moment I paused. Was I deluded in thinking that my sanity would return by seeing the Cullen house? What if by knowing Edward did exist I would be getting rid of one set of problems to have another set come rolling in? What if it was like a straw dispenser at some fast-food place, where when you removed one straw another moved in to take its place? I didn't have any answers to these questions, but I couldn't focus on them right now. First, I needed to find the house. One thing at a time...

Pushing all thoughts to the back of my mind, I finally took stock of my surroundings and realised that, although I was heading in the right direction, I was going so fast that I could easily miss the turn-off that I was sure was only visible if you were looking for it.

I had only been to the Cullen's house once, over three months ago and I had been a little distracted by the boy driving my truck.

_I had let Edward drive my truck, mainly because after a very short discussion it had been pointed out that I had no idea where he lived. I knew there were no medieval castles in the area, so I was stumped as to where a family of vampires could possibly live. As he drove my truck out of the main part of town, always driving too fast down the highway, I couldn't stop looking at him. He was so perfect and when he wasn't looking at me I was still mesmerised and couldn't possibly picture what he saw in me. Suddenly, his eyes left the road to glance in my direction. I looked out the window, blushing self-consciously at being caught staring at him. After a moment, I felt his cold fingers entangle with mine where they rested on my lap._

"_You're nervous," he stated matter-of-factly and, as I looked down at his hand where it enveloped mine, he squeezed a little tighter._

_I knew he would catch my lie if I tried it, so I made do with the truth. "A little, but not for the reason you're thinking."_

"_So you can read my mind now?" he asked and looking at his face I saw the hint of a smile on his lips._

"_No, but I can imagine fairly accurately," I said quietly looking out the window as we passed over the Calawah River._

_He waited silently for me to continue and, after a long moment of watching houses of increasing size and decreasing density, I finally looked back down at our hands, determined not to look at his face as I told him my thoughts._

"_What will happen if they don't like me?" I whispered, knowing he could hear me. "I mean, they know about me don't they?"_

_There was a long pause and I finally peeked up at Edward's face. It was carefully blank._

"_Yes, they know about you." I got the impression that he hadn't told them about me. What had he said about Alice? She was clairvoyant._

_Suddenly, we pulled off the highway entirely and onto a half hidden road between the trees that I was sure I wouldn't be able to find on my own._

_I was momentarily distracted by the world outside my truck. The forest encroached on both sides, leaving the road ahead only discernible for a few metres as it twisted, serpent-like, around the ancient trees. The world had become shades of green in the dappled light that also seemed to be tinted green._

_Edward's voice pulled me from my scrutiny of the tunnel we seemed to be in. "In regards to your first question, nothing. Nothing will happen to you if they don't like you. Which is impossible, by the way. Who wouldn't like you?"_

_I felt all tingly and warm until I heard him whisper to himself, "I won't let anything happen." It didn't leave me feeling any less nervous, but I let it pass as the woods began to thin ahead of us._

_Stop!_

My breathing had hitched and I was finding it hard to catch my breath and, pulling over to the side of the road, I placed the car in park before leaning my head on the steering wheel trying to catch my breath. Why_ did they leave? I thought I was one of them. I thought I was part of the family._

After taking a few deep breaths, my breathing began to move back into a healthy rhythm. Not_ too much longer, Bella, hold on a little longer._

Wiping the tear that had escaped from between my closed eyelids, I put the car back in drive and began to make my way down the highway at little more than a crawl, praying silently that I hadn't already missed the unmarked exit.

* * *

_Where is it? It has to be around here somewhere!_

_And if it isn't?_

_Shut the hell up! It is here somewhere!_

I had been driving at a snail's pace for over an hour and had passed over multiple rivers and seen no sign of a break in the greenery on the sides of the road. I had had multiple people overtake me, honk their horn, yell from their car window, make rude gestures, or a combination of all four, but I was focused on finding the break in the trees that I knew was there.

The problem was that time was against me. Firstly, I had to beat Charlie home to avoid explaining where I had been. I don't think he would understand my need to look for Dr Cullen's house no matter how hard I tried. Secondly, I was losing light and it was already semi-dark because of the purple clouds rolling in that promised a storm - not that rain wasn't usual in Forks. At most, I only had fifteen minutes before I would have to head back to beat Charlie home, and even then I would be cutting it close.

Also, the fact that I had to keep a firm lid on my panic was not making my search easier. With every minute I didn't find the break in the greenery beside the road the voice in my head would say 'It_ wasn't this far out'_. This caused my resolve to fracture slightly and my resultant panic make me want to scream and cry before I could push it down into the knot that had formed in my stomach after twenty minutes on the highway, which was steadily becoming larger with each new surge of panic I suppressed.

_It isn't here Bella! There is no break in the trees which means there is no house and no Edward. It was all make-believe._

_Shut up!_

This time it took me a little longer to stamp down the voice. The panic merely produced a tiny tear in my left eye that traced a downward path, eventually falling on my hand.

_Why are you bothering anymore? It's over! There was no magic, no love, no Edward._

_It has to be here_, I thought desperately.

_You didn't drive for this long. There is no house Bella. Give it up._

I wasn't fast enough and a wave of panic overcame me and my eyes welled up with tears before I could stop them. Unable to see the road clearly, as unshed tears swam across my vision, I pulled off the road and just sat for a moment, trying to gain control over myself again.

As I pushed all the panic back down into the pit of my stomach, my tears subsided. It was then that I realised that it wasn't my tears that had been obscuring my vision of the road. During my moment of unrestrained panic the storm clouds had burst open, pouring down rain that instantly made it near impossible to see more than a few meters in front of me. I would find nothing in this rain. I would have to come back another day. With my mind resolved, I looked out of the windshield at the wet, grey-green world outside my truck.

Pulling out onto the road, again, I turned around and began to make my way home. I would wait until tomorrow to look again for the gap between the ferns. Then, something familiar caught my eye, as I turned on my headlights - Two trees twined together to form one.

I remembered this tree. It had been about five minutes after the Calawah River bridge, just before...

Swerving back onto the right side of the road, in what I was sure was an illegal move, I moved at a faster pace the way I had been heading.

Moving past the tree, I swerved the truck over onto the side of the road and continued to drive in the mud, looking frantically for the gap between the greenery through the steadily pouring rain falling down my windshield.

Just then, I saw a darker area between the ferns on the side of the road and, as my headlights swept over the dark patch, my heart leapt at seeing it was definitely a gap - just large enough for one car. The rain had eased slightly and, pulling into the space half hidden among the ferns, I was instantly immersed in a land of dark green and grey. The trees around me crowded both sides of the unpaved road and blocked the worst of the rain as my truck twisted and turned through the forest.

It seemed to take me forever to wind my way through the woods, barely able to see more than a few metres ahead on the road. Then, suddenly, there was no more road and the trees seemed to part in front of me to reveal a large open area. As soon as the trees stopped, I began searching hungrily for the white house. Scanning as I continued to drive, I searched the trees opposite me for any sign of the house.

I saw nothing...

_It's been almost four months, there will be some overgrowth. That is probably why you can't see it yet. _I wanted to believe my thoughts with all my heart.

I continued to drive across the open space until I was about three quarters of the way across the clearing. I still couldn't see a thing. Stopping the truck, I got out of the cab and began to walk the remaining distance to the trees.

_Is that a little white? Did the wind just reveal a window briefly? Your view is off. You came in at the side of the house so it's completely concealed. Your memory of the place is off. The clearing was this wide. _The reassurances kept piling up in my head, keeping me moving towards the trees in front of me. The rain was still falling, but I didn't even notice as I reached the trees and found...

Nothing. No house, no steps, no foundations, no nothing.

_It's not the right place. You took a wrong turn in the road. You didn't drive far enough outside town._

Above the sound of the rain, I could hear running water and began to run towards it. Slipping on a patch of mud, I fell on my face and when I got up I could see the fast moving river in the correct place.

_No, this is the right place. There just isn't a house here. The Cullens never lived here._

Placing my back up against a tree, I slid down the trunk until my backside hit the ground, placing my forehead on my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

_Just breathe, Bella. There has to be an explanation_.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried as hard as I could to push down everything that was welling up inside of me.

_Why bother? The only thing here is you. There was never anyone else, you were always alone._

I couldn't hold any of it back anymore and it all came washing over me like a tidal wave, but, instead of washing over me then moving on, the feelings just continued to crash on top of me. It was more like a waterfall than a tidal wave.

_Without a house you can't have been here. If you were never here that is one thing you remember wrongly. What else do you remember incorrectly? James? Alice and Jasper? Edward?_

_No! NO, NO, NO!_

I leant over sideways until I was lying on the wet clearing floor, feeling the pressure of the voice in my head press down on my chest as the truth came out. I couldn't fight it anymore and there was no more reason to.

_You are completely alone. You always were, and you always have been. Why would Forks be any different than Phoenix? You made up a fictional boyfriend, a fictional family, a fictional life._

I could hear a strange noise, like a high-pitched strangled screech. It took me too long to realize that it was me producing the noise.

I had curled up into a ball in the long wet grass, closing my eyes to try and stop the tears from escaping, without any success. I felt myself falling apart, my breathing hitching painfully as I felt my lungs being squeezed, as if they were held in a vice.

I could feel my lips moving, words forming over and over again, trying to sink into the last corner of denial left in my brain. _I'm all alone. There is no magic. I'm all alone. There is no magic._

After what seemed like a very long time, I couldn't cry anymore. My eyes went dry and a thought crossed my mind.

_Charlie_.

Holding on tight to a thought that didn't hurt, like a drowning person grasping a life preserver with every last ounce of strength, the pain began to subside, pushing down as I let the thought of Charlie fill my mind. Charlie would be home very soon if he wasn't already and if he found out I wasn't home he would bring the whole Forks police force out to look for me.

Focusing all of my energy on getting home before Charlie, I managed to get myself to stand up and move back to the truck. The realisation that I was soaking wet and covered in mud crossed my mind and I focused on the cold that was seeping slowly into my bones, not allowing myself to think beyond the physical sensation of wetness and need to get home.

Finally making it across the clearing to the truck, I sat inside and felt something begin to boil up from deep inside hot and painful, but I couldn't let it surface. _Charlie... get home to Charlie... don't think about anything else._

Turning the key in the ignition the truck roared to life, allowing warm air to begin filtering through the truck cab, causing the mud to begin to dry, stiffening my clothes. As I turned the truck around and moved back towards the highway, I kept nothing in my head besides the need to get home quickly - desperate to keep the thoughts that caused me pain from overtaking me again as I pushed my truck to the limit, speeding down the highway.

I pulled into the driveway, expecting the cruiser to be sitting in front of the house. I was surprised to see that my truck was the only car in sight. Curiously, Charlie had not arrived home yet. I had arrived home before him. I could feel the overwhelming emotions I had manage to push down begin to bubble up again, trying to break through. They threatened to overwhelm and shatter the small amount of sanity I had created.

_Keep busy, Bella. Think of something - anything to hold the pain at bay_.

Grabbing my satchel, I quickly moved to the front door then inside the house, trying my hardest to think only of discovering why Charlie was absent. Moving through the dark house, I found myself in the kitchen where the only light was the intermittent red flash coming from the answering machine. Pressing the play button, I moved to turn on the lights in the kitchen and sitting room before I heard Charlie's voice fill the kitchen.

_Hey Bells,_

_There's been an accident on the freeway and I need to process the scene. Don't worry about making any dinner for me. I'll probably be home really late. There's money in the jar on top of the fridge if you want to order some take-out for yourself. _

_I'll see you later._

I was alone. There was no one to stop the painful thoughts from taking over again. I could feel them now clawing their way to try and get into my head.

_You were always alone. There was never anyone..._

_NO! Think about something else! Anything else! _

_I_ squashed down the growing panic inside me, trying with everything I had to search for something else to think about. Something that didn't involve the trip today or a boy...

_STOP!_

I thought carefully about what happened before - before what I can't think about; fighting with Angela, with Mike, and with Mr Mason. Wait... the essay, the tower of homework I had neglected; they could keep me from thinking about... other things.

Forgetting about food, I made my way to my room, closing the door firmly behind me with every intention of putting every thought in my head to school work. However, as I sat on the bed, I was overcome with weariness that crushed me mentally. The stress of the last few weeks rushed at me in a wave that left me exhausted.

When I had sat on the bed my bag had spilled out half its contents on the floor, including the small bottle of tablets I had received from Dr Snow yesterday. I knew that if I went to sleep my defences would drop and that terrified me more than anything else. I knew the pain would shatter the tiny bit of sanity I had left.

_But the pills are supposed to knock me out_, I thought quietly, _I wouldn't dream_.

I was desperate. I couldn't fight against my exhaustion much longer and if I fell asleep on my own I would surely dream - dream about the things that were quickly becoming referred to as forbidden in my mind. There was no real choice. I couldn't lose the shred of sanity I had, but my body and mind were so exhausted that I knew any moment my defences could fail.

I didn't have the energy to go and get some water, so, after collecting the bottle from the floor and tipping out two of the sedatives, I dry swallowed them with only a little effort. The effect was almost instantaneous, as I felt warmth begin to spread through my body, causing my limbs to become heavy and unresponsive to commands from my head. I didn't even have time to turn off the light or change my clothes before my eyelids slid closed of their own accord, where I simply fell into sweet nothingness.

* * *

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	7. The End

**Hello to my devoted (and patient) readers,**

**Thank you for coming back after so long without a chapter!**

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The End

"Miss? Miss, is there something I can get you?"

Opening my eyes slowly, I looked up to see a flight attendant looming over me in what I saw as a slightly threatening pose. My opinion was not improved by the slight look of disdain on her face.

I couldn't blame her, of course. She probably thought that I was about to throw up, with my very pale complexion, closed eyes, head resting on my knees and arms wrapped around my knees in a fetal-type position. I had been having a particularly bad moment where I couldn't keep my mind off the tangled mess of darkness I had spent two weeks studiously and desperately ignoring. Unfortunately, a six and a half hour plane trip from Seattle to Florida left a gaping space of time where my mind could wander without my permission.

The flight attendant was still staring at me, as was the guy sitting in the seat next to me. He must have been the one who called the attendant.

"I'm fine," I said, offering my standard response, trying to look like I hadn't been trying to keep my breathing regular and silent, as my ribs seemed to shrink around my lungs only moments ago.

The words had lost all meaning to me, due to overuse, and they just came out whenever anyone looked at me for more than a few moments. It scared me when people looked at me, like, if they looked close enough, they could see the struggle I faced every second of every day, internally, to keep the dark mass of emotions from flooding the small bubble of peace I had managed to cultivate inside my head.

After a final slightly disparaging look, the flight attendant obviously decided that I wasn't going to cause her any trouble and began to move away down the aisle gracefully. However, at that moment, the plane hit an air-pocket causing her to pitch sideways, thwarting her attempt at a smooth escape. In the past, I might have thought it served her right with her haughty attitude, but I was too weary to care.

I wasn't physically tired anymore. After what had happened on the afternoon after my cast came off, I had taken to gratuitous drug use to get me through the nights and kept myself overly busy to get through the days. I had come to think of moments of peace as the enemy. Sitting still for more than a moment caused me to panic and then quickly find something else to do, petrified that the dangerous thoughts would catch me off guard. Charlie's house had never been cleaner and I had broken both the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine from overuse.

But I was mentally exhausted from the constant barrier I had to maintain to those thoughts that I knew were forbidden to think about. My mental weariness had led me to make my current decision. I thought that maybe if I could remove myself from Forks then I could begin to accept that my time in Forks had been tempered by an active imagination - that it had all been a lie. That was the problem. It wasn't that I had lost something I deeply cared about, but that it had all been a figment of my imagination. The feelings of love and belonging that I had thought I had finally found had never really existed, and that meant I was possibly crazy.

So now I was going to Jacksonville to try again… to try to move on. I had told Charlie that it was just for the summer, but I think he knows that I won't be returning to Forks. I had packed up my entire wardrobe and half of my possessions. I had two suitcases with me as well as a large carry-on bag, and Charlie hadn't even questioned it.

When it came to the end of the summer, I would tell Charlie that Renee needed me in Jacksonville - that I was settled in now. I couldn't tell him the truth. I wouldn't be able to tell him why I couldn't go back. It was too painful. I was leaving my old life behind and hopefully starting over, which was why I had left my sketchbook under a loose floorboard in my room. It was of no use to me since I couldn't draw and I had written on the last page last night, one final message:

**Dear Edward,**

**You were never here, were you?**

**I need to leave, go somewhere where you can't follow me.**

**I love you. Isn't that ridiculous?**

**Goodbye. **

**Bella.**

I felt my chest tighten, slightly, as I felt myself moving dangerously close to being consumed by the darkness inside me. Luckily, at that moment, the plane pitched sharply and I was pulled out of my internal struggle to see that the seat belt light had come on and the attendants and passengers alike were going to their seats and strapping themselves in. Following suit, I quickly loosened my grip on my knees and let my feet hit the ground and then I put my seat belt on. Moments after the belt clicked around my thin waist, the plane jerked up and down violently, like a rollercoaster.

"Good afternoon passengers. This is your captain speaking. We are experiencing some technical difficulties and will be making an emergency landing in Lincoln, Nebraska and I must ask that you all remain calm and seated at this point in time. Thank you."

A normal person would have felt comforted by the message. The voice was smooth and calm and, as I looked around, I could see people relaxing as if nothing was wrong. But I had heard the over-calmness in the voice and I could see the way that the flight attendants were keeping their faces carefully blank and neutral. I had perfected the same look in the past few weeks to ensure that no one could see that I could disintegrate at any moment. Things were not good and, as the flight became more jolting and jagged, I knew that there was something seriously wrong and if we did make it to the ground safely it would be a miracle.

The internal lights flickered and people began to catch on that things were not going to end well. Then, with a final huge jolt, the lights went off completely and oxygen masks fell from the ceiling.

People frantically grabbed them, placing them over their faces. A mother in front of me placed one on their young child before securing their own, which everyone knew was not what was supposed to happen, but everyone was too busy with their own business to care. It was interesting to see such selflessness. It was interesting to see someone caring about the safety of another before themself.

_Like you did with James? Risking your own life to save Edward and Renee?_ Asked a small voice in the back of my head.

_No! There was no James. Renee wasn't in trouble and there is no Ed..._

Before I could finish the thought, a painful nudge came from next to me and I saw the man sitting beside me, oxygen mask on, wildly gesturing to the mask hanging in front of my face. I hadn't put it on yet.

Apparently, the mask was magically going to protect me from dying from the impact of the plane falling out of the sky and crashing to the earth. My thoughts seemed frighteningly clear and cynical and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not, but then it occurred to me that when my body was found it would be embarrassing to have others think I was too stupid to put on the mask, or that I had died because I didn't have the mask on.

Slipping the elastic over my head, I secured the mask in place and the guy beside me relaxed – well, as much as you can relax in a plane that is crashing.

The plane was alternating between smoothly falling and jolting, which suggested failed attempts to even out the plane. As a jolting period commenced, the overhead bag storage burst open and medium sized bags began to rain down from above.

I felt the force of something hitting my head and simultaneously felt the barriers that I had kept so carefully in-tact for weeks crumble and fill my head with darkness.

"_Bella, you can open your eyes now."_

_Opening my eyes, I was faced with a beautiful room full of sunlight and a wall of glass showing a picturesque scene of mountains and trees and a river that ran through the forest._

_The figure beside me grabbed my hand. His cold fingers intertwined with my warm ones and, looking over, I was momentarily stunned by how close he was standing next to me_._ His golden eyes surveyed me carefully._

"_Can I show you something?" Edward asked softly._

"_Ok," I said, knowing that I'd do anything as long as he kept holding my hand, making my heart stutter._

_He led me to the far end of the room where a number of easels were set up. There were a number of landscapes set up that could be mistaken for mirrors of the landscape outside the window in watercolours, acrylics, pencils and even one in charcoal._

"_Wow, these are amazing!" I said truthfully._

"_Thank you, but they aren't what I want to show you."_

_One of the easels was covered with a cloth and that was the one we stopped in front of._

"_Promise me you won't laugh," Edward said nervously as he released my hand._

"_Ok" I responded, curious about what he could be nervous about._

_Lifting the cloth, I was momentarily stunned. The picture was of a beautiful girl with a heart-shaped face, surrounded by waves of dark hair and large brown eyes. Although the picture was a lead sketch he'd added hints of watercolour, making the picture seem almost lifelike, with the girl cast in shadow making her seem enigmatic and secretive._

"_Wow, it's fantastic. Who is she?" I asked, feeling a little jealous of this pretty girl that Edward had drawn._

_There was a whole beat of silence. Then, Edward looked at me with a slightly disbelieving look on his face._

"_It's you. I know it isn't very good, but I at least thought it was recognisable." Edward looked a little hurt, but he was also trying to hide it. Looking back at the portrait, I searched hard for any sign of me in the picture. Now that I was looking, I could see that there were some similarities between myself and the girl in the picture; her eyes were the same shape, her hair and skin the right shades, her top lip a little unbalanced with the bottom._

"_But this girl is a lot prettier than me."_

_Edward studied my face for a moment and then moved in close, brushing a strand of hair from my cheek._

"_You don't see yourself very clearly do you? I didn't change a single thing in this picture and, if I'm being honest with myself, this picture doesn't come close to matching the original in... 'prettiness'."_

_I blushed and he stood, watching as warmth spread through my body._

"_Really?"_

_He moved in so all I could see were his golden eyes, staring into mine, "Really."_

_I suddenly realised how close together we were. His nose was almost touching mine. I knew that any moment now he would move away and I didn't want that, but I had no idea how to make him stay._

_After a moment, I saw something change in his eyes and I knew that he was going to move away, but he didn't. Instead, I felt his hands as he placed them on my hips, pulling me in closer to him. He paused._

"_I don't want to hurt you," he whispered._

_I didn't know what to say. I felt that if I said anything or moved at all the moment would shatter, so I said nothing._

_He moved in closer so his lips almost met mine. I could feel his cool breath on my skin._

"_Do you want me to stop?"_

_I knew that I was walking a knife's edge and I knew I was going to fall. The only question was whether Edward would catch me. Or maybe I had already fallen and Edward was either going to catch me or let me smash. Either way, I knew that I didn't want him to stop._

"_No," I breathed._

_Then his lips met mine and everything faded away as my eyes slid shut._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

I paused in my tracks, suddenly lost halfway across the country, searching for something that was no longer there.

Bella, sitting on a plane, an oxygen mask over her face and her eyes closed. She looked pale and thin and there was a dark trail running through her hair that looked like a lot of blood - too much blood. Then everything disappeared, like the TV in my head had suddenly been disconnected and everything went black.

I tried searching for Bella's future, but there was nothing but blackness. Does she no longer have a future?

"Alice, honey, what's wrong?"

Jasper's voice snapped me out of my vision that was still disconcertingly blank. If Bella had no future then...

I turned and began to run, faster than I had ever run before, back towards the house and towards a phone. I tore through the cold forest around me, tearing through plants and trees in my path in an attempt to move faster. I could hear Jasper following me and, after a moment, I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me to a stop. Turning me around, Jasper bent his body so that his eyes were level with mine.

"What did you see?"

Taking a deep, unnecessary breath realisation hit me in a blinding, painful flash. The event had happened in the time it took me to understand what I was seeing. _It's too late, she's already gone._

"Nothing," I whispered, knowing that my eyes would be welling with tears if such things were possible.

Jasper gave me a quizzical look and I knew that he had misunderstood my meaning.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I felt myself begin shaking uncontrollably.

"There's nothing to see. Bella is gone."

And I knew that Edward was gone too.

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**Me again!**

**Is this the end?**

**What will happen next?**

**Let me know what you think!**

**Please review, I'm close to magic number 10 and I would love it to be reached at this juncture! As those who have reviewed or favourited this story in the past will tell you, I eventually keep to my promise of teasers for reviewers!**


	8. Beginning

**Hi small group of favourite readers!**

**So here's the next chapter.**

**I hope I didn't put anyone off with "killing off" the depressed Bella last chapter!**

**I hope you like what's coming!**

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Beginning

The busyness of the world outside was muffled slightly by the enclosed atmosphere of the Fireside Cafe. He was in one of his moods again and when that happened it was just a matter of riding it out; not that his normal attitude was much better but at least there was a shift in focus. I had to wonder what had set him off this time; could have been a brunette walking past, or a slight waft of gardenias, or even a sigh that sounded like hers, it didn't seem to take much to send Edward into the self loathing pit of despair he had spent the previous two years in.

"This was a bad idea."

Looking across the small table I saw that Edward had his face in his hands, his hair that used to be so carefully styled lay limp across his forehead. He was forgetting how to act human, he was too still and talking too fast for anyone human to understand. He had spent too long away from people for his own safety and that of others. He had been kept away after the disaster of six months ago when we had managed to get him to come out of the attic. It was disastrous because it meant we needed to move from New York to Alaska very quickly, which caused even more problems for all of us.

"You wanted to do this." I said out loud for about the tenth time today.

"Only because I couldn't stand the thoughts of pity anymore," he snapped back. He looked up from his hands, shooting daggers at me like it was my fault that he was sitting here. It wasn't like he could read our thoughts anymore, Carlisle said that he either was ignoring it or he had suffered so much emotional damage that he had lost his gift, I was more inclined to believe that latter.

"Well you could have left." I snapped back before I could stop myself.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them; he wouldn't leave because we were all he had left, and the last time he'd left someone they died.

Edward put his head back in his hands and I had the overwhelming urge to try and make him feel better, but that was a lost cause, I knew that.

"What can I get you?"

I didn't look at the waitress, my only impression was of a thin girl who had infiltrated my private hell.

"Two cappuccinos" I said automatically, hoping it would get rid of her. It wasn't like we could drink them but the plan worked when after a moment she left the table to go back behind the counter.

"Look, I can't do this right now, I'm going back to the house." Too swiftly Edward rose and was gone before I could decide whether he meant going out today, or starting over in Alaska and starting university tomorrow.

Breathing an unnecessary sigh I ran my fingers through my hair. It had been two years since Bella had died and until a few weeks ago Edward had needed to be constantly supervised so he didn't do something stupid.

Of course he blamed himself for what had happened, he said that if he hadn't left her she wouldn't have been on the flight to Florida. The rest of us argued that she was probably going to stay with her mother in Jacksonville for the summer and probably would have gone if he was there or not. But logic didn't get through to him, so now it was just easier to ignore him when he played the blame game.

Strangely Edward never blamed me for not seeing the plane crash sooner so that Bella could have been saved, but he also didn't know what I had done. I had seen what Bella had been like in the months leading up to her death, I had denied Edward's wishes and looked into her future, what I had seen hadn't been good. I had never shared any of this with anyone and I never planned to, but after we left Bella had returned to Forks expecting Edward to be waiting for her. When she had found us gone she had been depressed and sad, I could see that. There had been a moment about two weeks before the end where I had almost got a plane to help her. She had been lying in the rain, broken in ways that I don't think I could ever understand. Maybe if I had gone to her...

"Here's your cappuccinos" a cheerful voice interjected into my internal musings.

A cappuccino appeared on the table in front of me, along with a pale hand.

"Oh, is your friend coming back?"

"No, he's not." I said absently, still lost in my thoughts.

"That's ok, no charge for this one."

I finally looked at the girl who was being so nice but she had already turned to go, still carrying one mug of cappuccino with her. All I could see was her shoulder-length brown hair and thin back, there was something vaguely familiar about the way she walked which tugged at a memory I couldn't find.

During my contemplation I absent-mindedly reached for the cup and put it to my lips before remembering that I couldn't drink it and hastily placed it back down on the table.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and without looking at the caller id I knew that it was Jasper.

"Hello."

"What was it this time?" Jasper sighed. Edward had obviously sprinted back to our place just outside of town, leaving me the Volvo, but no keys. Great!

"No idea, one minute he was fine, we were walking around campus when suddenly he just froze."

I didn't need to tell Jasper that it was like flipping a switch, one minute there was light and even a little happiness in Edward then his whole countenance came over dark in less than a heartbeat, leaving not a hint of lightness behind, only anger and sadness.

"Where is he now?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"In the attic, again."

"Just leave him there, he'll get over it." After the first few times Edward had retreated into the attic we had all decided that nothing we did was going to change his mood, the only person that could snap Edward out of his depression was Edward.

"Are you coming back now?"

Since Bella's death we all felt the swiftness in which someone could be taken away and it scared Jasper the most. I was the light in his life, if I was gone he wouldn't feel like he had reason anymore, it pained him emotionally when we spent more than a few hours apart.

"Yeah, I'll be back in about 10 minutes."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and felt my fingers scrolling through the contacts, I should tell Emmett and Rosalie that he was in the attic again, but they were coming back and none of us wanted them to change their minds. Rosalie had given up after the move six months ago, she had never liked Bella and didn't want to put up with Edward's dramatics anymore and so Rosalie and Emmett had gone to live in Canada for a while. But since Edward had agreed to start university at the University of Alaska in Anchorage we had thought it was safe to ask if they would come back. But now Edward had fallen off the wagon I was loathe to call them in case they decided to stay away.

I put the phone back in my bag, it wasn't like before yet, it wasn't anywhere near that bad.

Leaving the barely touched cappuccino on the table I made my way to the counter to pay. There was no one there and I was about to call out when the waitress came out of a side door. I finally got a good look at her.

She was thin and short, about 5 ft 4, with shoulder length brown hair and pale skin, as her eyes met mine my insides turned to ice. Chocolate brown eyes in a heart-shaped face that was so familiar.

"Bella?" I whispered under my breath.

"I'm sorry?"

I continued to stare.

"How did you like the cappuccino? It probably wasn't the best I'm still learning how to use the machine properly."

I shook myself mentally, trying to keep up with what the girl was saying.

_It couldn't be, it's just your mind playing tricks, it can't be Bella. Firstly, you saw Bella's future disappear and it's still gone, secondly IF this was Bella there would be some sign of recognition from her, third Edward would have realised._

_Would he? When he gets in a mood he doesn't notice anything and you didn't even see her._

She was waiting for a response.

"No, it was fine. Look, I'm sorry for staring, you just remind me of someone, what's your name?"

"Oh, Is. Isabella actually, but everyone calls me Is, except my parents." She smiled and it was like being transported back two years.

"I'm Alice, Alice Cullen." I paused, scrutinising her expression for even the smallest hint that she knew who I was; there was nothing, and Bella had always been a terrible liar. This wasn't the Bella that we knew. Now that I looked again there were small differences between Bella and Is; her hair was darker, her skin a little less pale, and she was a little bit less thin.

"It's great to meet you Alice, anyway it's 3.50 for the coffee."

As I gave her the money I caught a glimpse of a crescent shaped scar on the back of her hand. My insides clenched; that was where James had bitten Bella, where Edward sucked out the venom. This had to be our Bella, but there was no recognition on her face which was slowly losing its smile as I continued to stare at her.

"It's nice to meet you too, Bel... ah Is. Maybe I'll see you around?" What would I do if I did see her? What would Edward do if he saw her? Would he believe it was her, or just a figment of his imagination?

"Yeah, I start classes tomorrow but I'll still be working here on weekends and when I finish on half days." She said, looking over my shoulder at a group of people who I knew without looking had just entered the cafe.

"What are you studying?" I needed to find out as much about her as possible.

"Art, I'm apparently a good drawer." She shrugged and it was such a Bella gesture that I smiled, she had always been modest and shy but there was something new to it that I couldn't put my finger on. Of course she was doing art, we were right next to the Fine Arts building and it would be easy for her to go back and forth from work to class.

"Wow, well maybe I could see your drawings some time." I had to know more about her, what had happened to her, and why she didn't have a future.

"Yeah, I'd like that. Sorry Alice but I really need to get back to work now."

There were customers piling up behind me so I began to move away from the counter taking one last look at Bella as I left the cafe.

She looked back and I gave a small wave, "See you around, Is."

Bella was drawing, she had got into the University of Alaska with her drawing skills. Her sketches had been amazing two years ago, particularly her one of Edward that was still folded away in the pocket of Edward's favourite jacket, the one he had leant Bella not long after they met. We all knew why it was his favourite jacket, he used to wear it to acclimatise himself to Bella's scent and although the scent had long since vanished he insisted that he could still smell gardenias on it. He had worn it the last time he saw her before James hurt her, he had worn it the entire time he was trying to protect Bella, and he had worn it the day we removed all the evidence of his existence from her life, and subsequently ruined it.

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**Me again! OK so this chapter is a little shorter than usual but this felt like a good place to end it.**

**So what did you think?**

**Will Edward find out about Bella/Is?**

**What has Bella been doing in the past two years?**

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**Who liked Breaking Dawn Part One? (I had to wait until two days after it came out to see it!)**

**Please let me know your thoughts!**

**I'm going away next week with another fanfiction writer but I'm hoping to get one more chapter to you before then (I've already got 700 words so fingers crossed)!**


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